Hi Julie I lost my husband to throat cancer last June following three years of treatments and surgeries which left him severely disabled, and all to no avail as the cancer was too aggressive and moved to his artery, and we were told that his artery would burst and that would be the end. It was brutal and terrifying. Having spent many many months in hospital fighting the disease Ivan wanted to die at home, and with the support of hospice at home team, and our children, I was able to keep him at home until the end. It was very scary as we were told it would be only a couple of weeks, but he lasted eight weeks from the terminal dispagnosis. The end was actually very peaceful, as he had to be heavily sedated due to pulling his tube out ( he had a permanent tracheostomy ) and he just slipped away in his sleep - it was a lovely sunny day and my children and I were all sitting round in our living room where his hospice bed was, and he was breathing, then he was gone. I felt numb, relieved that we hadn't had the traumatic end we were expecting, and empty. Ivan had planned all his funeral, which was exactly how he wanted it. Afterwards I had several months off where I learned to live on my own. I was 17 when we married and we had been married for 36 years when he died, so it has been very hard living without him, but I have survived and I do enjoy things in life. I know he is with me in spirit and would want me to carry on with my life, so I do. I still cry most days but I then put my face on and carry on. I am so grateful for the years we had together, and for my children and grandchildren. I send you hugs and hope the end is peaceful and you can move on - the hospice family counsellors are brilliant and very sensible so please speak to them as they will help and support you. Xx