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Comment by Kylie Loraine McCallum on September 19, 2012 at 8:29am

Thank you for your kid words Anna, they mean so much to me. The way you put things makes so much sense to me: Just like Austin didn't replace me when I was born, there's no way possible I could replace the hole that is left in their heart after he passed away. Its just that I wish I could, so badly. I hope that your Thanksgiving is alright, fortunately I don't have to worry about that until November! I keep finding pictures of me and my brother from when we were little. I've never wished to be young again so badly in my life :[ It's so crazy how much you take for granted in life, before you experience something that rips your entire family to shreds. Its sad..

Comment by anna l. on September 17, 2012 at 3:27pm

Kylie I know it is just so damn hard.  You are grieving a brother you loved so much.  I can offer a little insight into your parents that might help you understand.  Your parents do for absolutely love you just as much as they love your brother and they wouldnt have chosen to not have either one of you.  When one child is born into a family it does in no way take away love from the other child/children it multiplies that love.  A mothers heart grows with each baby.  You and your brother were not interchangable, unique in your own special ways.  Just as your brother did not steal your place in your parents hearts when he was born, you now can not fill the hole left by his passing.  I hope your parents can one day soon heal enough to give you the love and support you so desperately, and rightly deserve.  My heart still 2 years after bleeds for the son lost and I try to not let it interfere with my relationships with my other 3 children but sometimes I cant help it.  Canadian Thanksgiving is coming up in October and I know I will cry most of the day.  I have so much to be thankful for.  Three healthy strong children, four of their spouses, seven grandchildren and I will be surrounded by them all I hope and yet there will be a place in me that wont accept that but want my life 3 years ago back!!  Im sure my children will think what you so heartfelt wrote down and wonder why I cant just be happy with what I still have so I will try to make it a good day for them,  but there will be a hole in my heart that never heals....