I am awake again, and have some anxiety.  When thoughts that I know just lead to pain have been entering my head, I try to change the subject.  Not having much luck right now, but I will continue doing it.  

I need to start to prepare for a trip on Tuesday.  Once again, I am going to attempt to return to work.  I failed a few weeks ago when I tried.  The physical and mental discomfort I felt while I waited at the gate for my delayed flight, led to a breakdown at the airport.  Since then, I had a lumbar epidural spinal steroid injection 3 days ago and yesterday the back pain seemed to be diminishing, if that continues I will fly out on Tuesday.  I need to return to work, to at least have some sense of normalcy in my life.  

I need to get some things done before Tuesday.  My grass needs cut.  I need to review the bills and make sure I have paid all that are due.  I need to pack my bag and get my sons bag packed.  My son will stay at my sisters when I travel.  And I need to try to stay calm.  

I have not worked since February, there is some nervousness about returning.  My job does demand alertness and attention to detail.  I am hoping I will fall right back into my work routines, like riding a bicycle.  I have been in the same career field for 32 years so I don't think there will be problems.

I enjoy my work and feel good about seeing my coworkers and friends again.  I have had far too much time off alone.  I need people, I need to be around my peers and have conversations unrelated to Cheryl although I know she will be discussed.  

I want to write something about my hurting, but I am going to restrain myself from doing that today.  Perhaps not dwelling on it in my blogs will allow me to better heal.  I wonder if focusing too much on the emotional wound is the same as picking at a scab, where it only makes the healing process longer and more drawn out.  I don't know if the physical and emotional pain are analogous.  But leaving the emotional wound alone for a while is at least worth a try.

Well time to get my grass cut.

Mark