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Comment by Katherina Conley on March 28, 2013 at 12:43pm

thank you karen. i am so sorry for your loss. words for me are so hard to come by  these days. nathan was my first born child. with the hoilday coming up it makes it so hard to just work through the process of enjoying it for his daughter, my grand daughter. on his birthday we sent balloons to heaven for her daddy and she drew a picture for him . since then she has done this on several occasions and yeasterday was one of those days where she wanted to send daddy a picture. i do this for her so she can cope with his loss and connect with him in other ways then pictures and stories of him. but every time it just tears me up inside that she will never get to know him the way we did. she will be four years old and during her young life she did not get to spend much time with him as he was in the marines and out of the country most of her young life. this pains me so much that he will miss her growing up. it is sor hard on us as a family.

Comment by Karen L Dero on March 27, 2013 at 5:53pm

Ive been in this nightmare for 11yrs now.  March 15, 2002 my 21yr old son was killed when the car he was a passenger in was hit my an AM Trac train. I am so sorry we have this horrible connection to ea. other.  I know what you mean about being tired. The pain is not as intense and Ive learned to cope however being tired NEVER ends.  Im exhausted! Michael is my every breath. He was my only child and I play his life over and over in my head. The toughest question to answer is " so how many children do you have?" I use to say I have one and he is in heaven. With that I could see they didn't know what to say and seemed very uncomfortable. Now I just say I have one. If they ask more questions then I tell them about Michael. I am furtunate in that I do have lots of people in my life that allow me to talk about him freely.  They understand its my way of keeping him here with me.  Most of the time I don't worry about what or how strangers feel. It all depends on what kind of mood Im in. If I need to let a stranger know about him cuz im missing him too much in that moment I tell them . I assure them that its okay for me to talk about him, it doesnt upset me, it actually comforts me to be saying his name and sharing him with someone.  Once I say that they seem to relax alittle more and ask more questions about his life and death. Living without our child is extremely exhausting and I do find it more and more daunting. Every day I just wish I would die so I could finally find peace and rest. Each day seems like such a waste to me. Each morning I wake up missing him, go to work missing him,work and deal with tons of people ( i work in a very busy convenience store) while missing him,come home and withdrawl from the world missing him,go to bed and try to fall asleep knowing that if or when I sleep I have peace but then I have to wake and it starts all over again. Its horrible. Its no way to go through this life.  I describe myself as a zombie,walking dead. I do have my moments of happiness but they are short lived . Katherina, this journey is the most exhausting journey you'll be on. I wish you peace and the strength to survive this. I tell people I wont call myself a survivor until I take my last breath naturally. Any time you need to talk about your son hop on line and talk to me.  Don't worry about any body but yourself. You've earned the right to be "self centered" anyone who doesn't agree shouldn't be in your life. You're in my heart.