I Cry and grieve that you are Gone yet smile that you once lived....I close my eyes and beg and scream and pray that you come back...I open my eyes and look around and see all that you have left in memory's.....My heart is broken at the thought i will never see you, your smile , or hear your giggles so a life ....My heart is filled with love when i think all we did share. and the beautiful moments and memories you have left with me ....I turn my back on tomorrows and live in the yesterdays and the what ifs ....I am happy for tomorrows because i was blessed with you my child for 18 years .i cherish your memories and you live on with the life you had the daughter,girl, young woman you became ....I close my eyes i raise my arms up into the empty skies crying out your beautiful name Amber please i will do anything ....i ask ...i beg....i anger ....i crumble in total and utmost despair ....i want this all to end ...then i think if you could talk to me just one more time and tell me mom please listen ....I think you'd say I know your sad i know you miss me i miss you to and dad and my sisters but please dont cry dont be so sad momma and look beyond this earth and what it gives ...she would want me to be strong and figured it out and be a momma to her baby sis ...she would want me to think of the things we would joke about and i would reprimand her on ...hey mom i wont live beyond 18 the world is going to end . ...oh amber dont be silly ...dont be morbid ....you have a whole life to experience..enjoy...live before your world will end ...no mom im telling you but whatever dont believe me then i would say well hey if it does at least we wont see it coming and it will be fast and we all get to go together she was right ..a lot of the times....the world did end for us .....my mind works like a broken windmill now it spins ...slows down...then gains wind and spins faster then it ever has ..and this is the life of the mother whom has out lived her baby , her daughter , her child.....My amber how i miss you ....