I sat here making cards making posters listening to her music all in between horrible , sobbing , and feeling like i cant make it thru this , i had planned this huge memorial at the Hilton hotel then canceled it , then at last minute decided to do a candlelight birthday memorial at sunset beach her favorite place TODAY IS AS BAD AS THE DAY I WAS TOLD MY DAUGHTER WAS DEAD GONE FOREVER ? I have not had a single moments relive of this pain , the loss , the anger , the despair the disbelieve how is that my child whom is suppose to be celebrating her 19 birthday today will never be here to celebrate another birthday ? how is it that someone so young so full of life and so full of plans is vanished in a matter of a day , forever with no warning yet we have these people walking the earth whom are evil , bitter , good for nothing , or 90 years old , or senile , still walking this earth ...its senseless destructive to not only her and everything that was suppose to be but to the ones whom loved her myself her dad , her sisters the older the younger ones , i will never have answers and the ones i have gotten or will get will never become close or resemble sense to me , im going crazy im sure of this i sleep so little i think so much im tired i want a break from  what is my life NOW  ...wtf....i want my DAUGHTER BACK GOD DAMMED!!!! AND THEY SAY HAVE FAITH ?? GOD GIVES US NOTHING WE CANT CARRY ? BS HE JUST DID !! IF THERE IS A GOD AND I SAY NO THERE IS NOT !!! I HAVE YET TO HEAR ONE SINGLE REASON THAT RESEMBLES SOME SORT OF SENSE OR UNDERSTANDING OH WHY PEOPLE THAT SHOULD BE DEAD STILL WALK THIS EARTH AND MY CHILD IS GONE AND HER FAMILY IS NOW SENTENCED TO A LIFE WE WERE NEVER PREPARED FOR OR SAW COMING ....WHAT KIND OF GOD ALLOWS THIS TO HAPPEN ?? BS THIS GOD IS SUPPOSE TO BE SO KIND , GOOD , LOVES ALL HIS CHILDREN REALLY ? IF THAT'S LOVE THEN I HATE TO SEE HATE...IF THERE WAS THIS GOD PEOPLE SPEAK OF THEN THERE WOULD BE A EXPLANATION FOR THIS SORT OF TRAGEDY ..AND THERE IS NOT AND NEVER WILL BE !!!