Tonight I went to a visitation for a woman who died from LHS at the age of 41. I did not know her but do know her step mom and dad, they are members of my church.

Hard to do. They even asked me if it was difficult to be there and of course I said yes, and I cannot stay long.

I'm still trying to accept the loss of my wife but every time I start to fully grasp it my brain shuts it out. It's like God is telling me "you are not ready to feel this intense pain". It leaves me numb.

My daughter is only 21 and she broke down last night. She told me she didn't want to cry in front of me because she didn't want me to feel sad. She also said people have told her she needs to be strong for me.

She is my baby and daddy has always been able to fix things or provide words of wisdom to guide her. I've got nothing! I can't fix it, but worse yet, I am struggling to accept it.

I was supposed to protect my wife, but God took her in the blink of an eye with no obvious cause. I keep thinking about our last day together, even our last moments and what msy have been her last moments alive.

My wife was not supposed to die at age 52! We reached the point in marriage where we were one and now half of me is gone.

My dad died two years ago and my mom died in 1999. My mom had emphsyma and suffered a long agonizing death. My dad appeared to have passed very quickly. The point is I was in my 40s and 50s when I lost my parents. They were around for my two marriages and for grandchildren.

My daughter will never have that now that her mom is gone and I can't fix it.

My son has his own family to take care of and I worry that he is unable to grieve and take care of his family.

God sustains me and my daughter, and I am where he wants me, totaly dependent on Him alone.