Today is a bad day, today would have been my 26th wedding anniversary. I think back on the beautiful day when I became Vern's wife. We danced and danced that evening. I never thought that he would be taken out of my life after 25 years. It has been 5 months since Vern died in surgery it still does not seem real. my memories of our life together seem to be fading . there is such a hole in my life. My son moved out of my home yesterday he had wanted to get an apartment for a long time but he stayed at home to be with his dad. Anxiety has racked my body I can not stop shaking, relaxation is not achievable. How can I survive this? I am not able to cry, I can not share my grief with anyone, I do not know what will happen if I let myself . I must put on a mask of normalcy, but I am being ripped apart inside.