I was reading some entries about medicating yourself . So I drink to fall asleep and take melitonin.Since my wifes death Iam trying to take better care of myself .I have been telling myself ,put a little less vodka in the orange juice. My liver won,t take this forever ,like I have a charmed life or somethng "Wrong!!!" Whos kidding who. I feel much better today. Its still very strange without her even though we never really were close the last 15 yrs or less. We weren,t a hugging kissing type of couple maby it was me . I never let myself get close . She had these vindictive,revengful mood changes that eventually shut me up in a corner.

I wish everything would just go away. Then there are the flashbacks ,especially the hospital. So this is where it all ends. Here Iam still feeling the pull of the apron strings wasting out life away signing contracts for houses we never moved into. So Iam tired doing midnight shift

Dave