waking at night with panic attacks, noises in the apt, bldg, have me scared that Tods fallen.  I remember sleeping on the edge of awake, think i did it for so long, his machines would alarm, or he'd drop something in the night, or god forbid he'd fall that i learned to never fall asleep...we used to laugh that it was like having a new born in the house,, it wasn't all that funny for me.

he was awake at night alot of time because he'd sleep during the day (out of boredom), but he's snack, and listen to music, watch tv, play with the dog.  made me nuts....to the point that on the weekends i started taking tylenol pm to sleep thru the night, which always made me feel guilty (because of the worry), but by weekend i was exhausted and had to sleep.

another weekend, ughhh.  nothing to do, nothing to look forward to, what the heck am i gonna do with myself?