I thought I was doing so well since Matt died. I have my days where all I do is cry and stay in bed. But I've been able to function, spend time with my daughter, work... 

  Lately I just feel so empty and lonely and lost.

  When I found out his cause of death was sudden cardiac arrest I was relieved. I knew he died within minutes. Knew that even had I been home when he died, I couldn't have done anything to save him.

  But I feel so much guilt still that my daughter was home when it happened. That he was dead all day long and I was at work. She had to fend for herself, not knowing why daddy wouldn't wake up. It kills me to think of that. 

  She seems to be doing so much better than I. We talk about that day a lot. Talk about our memories with him. We're in a support group. 

  I think the thing that scares me the most is feeling like my depression is coming back. I can't function on all the meds I used to be on, but I can't function with my depression. I just keep praying that God will give me the strength to move forward without needing more medications.