This has been a very stressful month. Next week would  be my Bens 28th birthday. I'm writing today so that next week when I look back at this I can hopefully refrain from feeling really bad. Today I feel ok. I can't help but think about all the things that have happened over the years. My daughter just had surgery fix her face from the accident that took Bens life. It never ends. It''s always there. I can run but I can't hide. My other daughter is having serious marital trouble and a new baby on the way, and a three year old. I do not have the power to fix everything. I do not posess the magic to make everything alright. I can be supportive. I can do my best to protect, and I am capable of Love. Validation of ones feelings is so important in order to survive one tragedy after another. Having the freedom to express our thoughts and our pain and sorrow are of the utmost importance in the survival of losing a chld or someone we love. When  I lost my youngest son my world was turned inside out and upside down. Nothing would ever be the same again. When I look back on it all I am very surprised I survived. I did survive, I am still here and I am strong. 9 years later my son Ben, gone too. it's been 3 years now since I lost my Ben. I miss them both everyday. I think about them everyday. I love them everyday, but I have to survive. I think about the effect that I have on those who know me and the people that watch me to see how I handle it all. I can't undo what's been done. I can't turn back the hands of time, and I certainly can't  bring my boys back. I can however help others. I can use my experience to comfort those who find themselves in my shoes, and I will survive. Death does not take a day off but neither does love. Death will leave you scared and broken, but love and understanding will free and heal you. When I look at the calendar I see the day of Bens birth and I think to myself " another birthday? Where did the time go? How can his birthday be here again?" My prayer for nexr week will be for peace and strength.