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Comment by Stephanie on November 29, 2010 at 2:26pm

hi pamela. my situation is a little different, but i've also had SO many losses, and complicated situations happening at the same time, and i can certainly relate to loss, AND to being overwhelmed. i am still overwhelmed. i hope this insight can help a little....

men dont always understand this, but maybe you can share with him, that it may not be that you are actually grieving for the passing of your mother as such, but perhaps the loss of having a loving mother in general. the loss of perhaps a little hope in all of us that things might get better, or things might get different, and then suddenly it's gone. even fighting is still a RELATIONSHIP.

furthermore, when we experience a loss in our lives, the pain of many losses surface. it sounds like you feel you have "lost" your sister, you are "losing" your dad to illness, and it is all too much. where is YOUR support? you need someone to be strong for you TOO!

loss is very very difficult, whether our relationship was positive or difficult. because it is the FINALITY of the whole thing, the shock, it is needing to come to terms with death, AND it is having to adapt to a whole new dynamic in the family, as all the dynamics do change.
so there is a lot to work through.
the best is to talk about these thoughts with your hubby.
and keep talking and talking and talking to us - your friends.
i hope this helps a little.
luv jan

Comment by Ammy on November 27, 2010 at 5:40pm

I wish there was a sure fire answer, but there isn't. I hate the thought of saying this old cliche, but you just have to take it one day at a time. Sometimes it's one hour or one minute. All grief is the same and yet different. Each individual has a personal grief that no one else can really feel. I'm much older than you, but my mom and I were not that close and when she died in 2001 I was able to accept it because she had Alzheimer's disease and it was horrible watching her deteriorate. I've thought of her more and missed not having her around as the years go by, but this past July 14th our 41 yr. old son died and this has been nothing but a nightmare. Each relationship we have with a deceased loved one is different, but none are easy. Try to find something positive to think about and if you're a believer try praying. I talk to God throughout the day. Each time I start to feel overwhelmed I pray. I also have started watching more TV to distract myself from thinking about my son. I don't know if that's good or bad, but we need to do whatever it is that helps us cope. Writing on here may have helped you today and if it does help, then do that. Vent, cry, question...whatever it takes. I hope you will find what you need. I will be thinking of you. {{{Hug}}} Ann