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Comment by bluebird on July 3, 2014 at 8:23pm

For me it's my husband who died, literally one week after our wedding (we had been together for nearly 13 years). I agree with everything you said -- I cannot believe in a loving god, because if there was one he would not have allowed my husband to die. I beg and scream and cry for my husband to come back to me, or for me to die and be with him immediately. This life is worth nothing to me anymore. It has been nearly two years since my beloved died, and this life is still hell, and always will be for me. I don't even have faith in an afterlife -- I hope there is one, but I don't know -- so I don't even know if my wonderful husband's soul still exists. I do not want to exist in a world where he does not exist here with me, and if there is no afterlife then I do not want to exist in a universe where he does not exist with me.

Comment by sean threat on June 26, 2014 at 10:42am

hey I know the feeling im the sole survivor in my family lost my brother and mother the same year and its been tough for me ive found out that as man I was always strong but when I experienced these losses I found out it ok to cry and that's what I do sometimes day sometimes all day but in order for me to move on I have to cry I hope you feel better

Comment by anne on June 25, 2014 at 5:56pm

You just go ahead and let those awful feelings out. That's the only way to get through this. You are so raw in this journey. All those feelings are exactly right. I have asked all of those questions myself. Twice. Somedays I can't remember to lock the front door, but I always remember the pain that your feeling right now. So you just go ahead and cry, scream, whatever it takes. Just know that you are not alone.