today I sat by my son crying so hard, this weekend is my first thanks giving with out him, we don't celebrate any of them any more. there just another dam day. but at the same time its so hard and it hurts so bad. as I type this my tears are falling, oh god I need my shawn, I miss his smile, voice, his smell. I want so much to hear him call me  MOM, im so empty in side. how do I get through this weekend, and soon after nov 5 it will be a year, omg I cant do this, I cant go on with out him, I cant live with out my baby. I cant get that last day out of my head over and over everyday. I keep telling my self he will come home as soon as his beautiful heart is better, I know he will, shawn would never ever leave me, we have a strong love, hes the love of my life, we cant be apart. why is my family celebrateing a day that's killing me, why? I feel alone with no one that cares, no one that feels my pain, no one that understands  how much I want to die, my darling shawn I love you so very very much, please baby I need you, I need to know you are happy and with mom, please help me, forever my love     mom