I contacted a Medium the other day through email. He only wanted the whole name and nothing more, and he gave me so much information and helped me somewhat with 'closure.' What has kept me back, is I didn't know if mom forgave me for the things that I did, and I didn't know if she knew that I loved her! She forgives me and knows that I loved her regardless of the big 'ups and downs' that we had and told me not to beat myself up for the past, we make mistakes and learn from them! I know it don't sound like much right there, but you don't know what a big relief that was for me! I have regretted that for nine months now and to hear that, was like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders! 

Even though that has helped some, I still miss her like crazy! A lot of people that graduated with me, are getting married and expecting children, and it hurts me so bad that my mother will never get to experience that with me! She couldn't wait to be a grandmother, and now that she can't,  I don't EVER want to have kids! 

The 'empty' feeling NEVER goes away for me. I'm an emotional eater so when she first passed, I ate to make myself feel better! But the 'empty' feeling got worse and now I can't tell when I'm hungry or not! I have gained so much weight and the only way I can tell when I'm full, is I get nauseous! I hate this!!