I'm having a bad day today but most mornings are awful.  My husband of 55 years has been gone now for 6 months.  In some respects that time has gone by really fast but I remember every detail of that awful time as if I am going through it right now.  And I am very bitter about the circumstances surrounding his death.  He went in the hospital to have a week of Chemo and he never left.  He developed 3 different infections while there and they literally sucked the life right out of him.  He had several health issues and I want to believe that he is in a better place with no more pain.  However, I still want him here every single day.  Yesterday I went to a birthday party for my niece and found it very difficult not putting my husbands name on the card. 

Everything around my house has his fingerprint on it.  I look at something and think....Oh I remember when he did this or that.  Another way that I'm feeling the lose is little things like opening a jar that I can't get, going shopping with me or for me, watching a movie together on TV.  I am so lonely and yet I can't seem to move on.  I would much rather be with him.