Today, I want to jump on a plane and get out of this cold weather. I need beach, sun, and warmth on my soul.  I am 55 yrs old. I did everything I was to do in order to feel better. Meds, therapy, going out with friends.. etc.. But no one will tell me whyyyyyyyyyyy he had to leave me. Why did he have to fall in Lake Erie and leave me and our beautiful children? Why do I have vivid memories of retreving him holding him in the water, and telling him everything will be ok? Why did he have to have another massive heart attack in the water while I held him up?? Why couldn't I get him out of the water? Why didn't someone hear my screams for so long? Why did my beautiful children have to suffer? Whyyyyyyyyy, can someone tell me why?

Man.. I guess I really do need to take a vacation.. Wish I had someone to go with and a place to go to.