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Comment by kim on June 9, 2014 at 5:08pm

JO B  I would love to show you but ill have to wait till some one comes over that knows how to do it. my son did everything on the computer for me. so im not sure how to do a lot of stuff. when I get someone to do it ill let you know, and thank you    love kim

Comment by dream moon JO B on June 9, 2014 at 3:26pm

kim if u hav any pics of memry garden we wud all luv 2 sea thm we wud 

Comment by kim on June 9, 2014 at 9:03am

thank you  lynn and jo b. I guess thinking my family and friends would be here for me, was wrong.  my husband does everything for me, and I feel bad because I just don't care anymore. to be with shawn will make me happy again till then theres nothing for me here.  I feel my heart has froze,  I wake up crying and go to sleep crying, we all seem to be going through this alone, no one understand the pain. god how I miss my shawn, his smell, his laugh , his love. his touch.

Comment by Lynn Williams on June 8, 2014 at 4:32pm

I am so sorry your sister reacted the way she did about all the work you put into shawn's garden. Sometimes family just don't get it. I never had a close relationship with my mother growing up, so I never look to her for support. Today it is nine months since my daughter died. I joined a church today after going every Sunday since my daughter died. It seems to help me I couldn't face going back to the denomination I was brought up in.  My daughter was an organic farmer in Montana so working in my garden usually helps me work through this grief. Today I was sobbing for two hours pulling weeds and mulching but it seemed to cleanse my soul. I feel better than I did this morning. The loss of our children will be with us until we die. I am just trying many different ways to lighten myself up. Unfortunately the people we hope will help us on this journey are often not our family. Love and Hugs to you Kim

Comment by dream moon JO B on June 8, 2014 at 4:06pm

yes famly can be cold thy can

i thnk its grt idea for yore sons memnry i do 

for my dad i did a dvd of fotos of his songs i hav wish only faly sea sm sead i wz bean a waster for dong it or bean sily for dong it 

its worse wn a kid dies coz thy hav neavr had lfe thy hav not

mont of yng 1s its died in my famly frm 0 2 20s 2 30s 2 40s nevr had lfe thy hab not 

big c gt a most of thm it did 

most of thm on my dads sde got big c thy did

garden idea is grt its grt 2 sea plants grow it is im not a gradner but i no ts grt 2 sea florwes bloom so on

so sorry for yore loss as well kim 

Comment by kim on June 8, 2014 at 4:02pm

annie, thank you, my heart goes out to you, being alone through what you are going through is awful. please know im here for you, we are in unbearable pain everyday. my family was here for me the first few months. but now not as much, I tried telling them I needed them here but nothing. I just cry all the time, and feel so lonely, to forget or forgive I cant, it hurts to much right now. please remember I know your pain , im here for you , love kim

Comment by anne on June 8, 2014 at 1:11pm

Their cold because some folks just don't know how or don't want to deal with it. I have had a lot of experience with family in this department. Mostly bad, but I guess if I didn't have to deal with it I'm not sure I would either. Looking back I realize now that I could've been more supportive to others who have suffered a loss. Until it happened to me I didn't know how to be supportive either. In all honesty I don't think I wanted to either. It's hard to understand early on this journey, but after a while it becomes clearer. Some people get really good support from family after the loss of a child, and some don't. I wasn't as fortunate as some. My family didn't even come to my sons funeral, nor did they show up to help me get through trying to get my daughter to live. I forgive but I don't forget. It all has put a big wedge between me and my family, and I know in my heart that the space between us will never be any closer. It's hard to forget all the hurt, and pain they have caused us. I forgive them not for them, but for me. I'm the one that feels the pain, and I'm the one who does the suffering so I forgive them because my heart needs all of my attention in order to heal. I don't need them to care about me anymore, but they can't stop me from caring about them even if I do it silently. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, ever. I wish I didn't have to understand it either, but I didn't get a choice. Much love to you Kim