Of course I try to put the loss of her out of my head but the loss and its memories keep poping up.Memories you cannot control Some memories especially when I allowed the life support to be taken away are very vivid.Very bad. I was told once by a psycho therpist that I have a great resilency.

So I go to the urologist Thursday,he discusses my PSA blood (every three month) I had prostate cancer ,it was taken out.The check is made to see if your cancer is coming back . You dread a high PSA

Sometimes I think my life is doomed.

I carry on .Tuesday I go to Social Security ,as she was recieving disability,I probably get part of the money she was getting,we shall see.

As mentioned I have a train load of stuff to sort through. I had a train load of stuff to sort through when she was alive.

Iam thinking Iam going to push through the brick wall of laziness and depression easier said than done