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Comment by bluebird on September 12, 2015 at 7:06pm

I'm sorry you don't have any family.  Do you have any good friends?

Regardless, I know what you mean about missing him and hating knowing that you will grow old alone. I'm ten years older than you are, and I hate it to. I have no desire or intention of growing old. I hope god/nature/whatever takes care of it for me, though.

Comment by Jennifer on September 12, 2015 at 7:03pm

I don't really have a family he was all I had and I had his family but when he passed they wanted nothing to do with me I just miss him everyday I hate that I am 37 and I know I am goin to grow old alone

Comment by bluebird on September 12, 2015 at 6:38pm

Thanks. He has been dead for almost three years.  Essentially, so have I.

I hate being in this world without him. Nothing in this world, except for my family and our pets, is real to me any more.

Comment by Jennifer on September 12, 2015 at 6:37pm

Wow I am truly sorry for your loss how long has your husband been gone and I understand the not wanting to live I hate this world with out jason he made everything better

Comment by bluebird on September 12, 2015 at 6:25pm

In short -- my husband and I were together for nearly 13 years, in love, happy, monogamous.  He is the only person I've ever been in love with, the only person I've ever made love with, almost the only person I've ever dated.  Neither he nor I are perfect people, but we are perfect for each other, and he is one of the best people I have ever known -- truly kind, loving, generous, smart, funny, etc.

One week to the day after our wedding, he died of a sudden heart attack.  And I wasn't even with him (though my sister and BIL were, since they were in a band together for many years, and he died right after playing a gig).  We didn't even know he had a problem with his heart (though maybe we should have, as his father does). I never got to check off the "married" box on any forms, I had to go from marking "single" to marking "widowed".  I don't believe there is a god, and if there is then I think s/he is an evil bastard for allowing my husband to die when he did. I don't even know if there is an afterlife, so I don't know if my husband's beautiful soul even still exists, and that is the worst part of all of this for me. The second worst part is not being with him. I do not want my life, even though I have a wonderful family (Mom, Dad, sister, and brother-in-law). They love me, and I love them, and it's not enough to make me want to live. All I want is to die, and hopefully to be with my husband again in the afterlife by doing so.

So that's my story.

Comment by Jennifer on September 12, 2015 at 5:59pm

Bluebird tell me your story

Comment by bluebird on September 12, 2015 at 5:29pm

I'm sorry you are in this horrible situation too, Jennifer.  My situation is similar. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}