Well, it's been awhile since I've posted. Things have been up and down...mostly down. But I

found a way to ease my sorrow just a bit for a short time. I write emails to my Nancy that, of

course, I never send. I've only done 2 so far but they have helped me get through another 

lousy, despairing, tear filled day. When I do that, I feel like she is with me. Almost leaning

over my shoulder and telling me things to write. I know that doesn't make sense but it really

helps. As I said, for a little bit.  All in all...the days run on into nights that run on into another

empty day and the bitter pang of loneliness continues to steal my happiness. I don't see how

one can ever get over the loss of their life partner, soul mate, significant other as with the

flick of a wrist. It won't be happening for me. I fear I'll go crazy or die from stress before 

that happens. I know, as this is the Christmas season, a lot of the color in my sadness is painted

by the holidays. I pray to God that this season will end, mercifully soon. I have another year

of hell to look forward to. But, I can write the emails. and as little as they help...they do help

a little. And that is better than no help at all.  I miss you my dearest babylady, Nancy.. I wish

all of you in this caring, loving group of individuals as happy a holiday season as you can have

and we'll keep on talking about our losses in 2016. Perhaps, we'll start to feel better then.

Keep your fingers crossed.