Today was a day, my back issues were bothering me for a lot of the day (diagnosed with herniated disc), so I basically put up with the discomfort until it resolves, it could be months or role the dice and go under the knife.  Right now I really want to avoid surgery.

I also met with my contractor regarding home repairs, he did not feel the house issues were as severe as I thought so that is one good thing.  But, he can't do the work until August.

I also contacted my oldest sister, we had a falling out 7 years ago over the decision regarding my mothers need to be in an assisted living facility.  I offered my sister any of my wife antiques that she wanted and she came over and picked up a few small things.  We also reconciled our differences and I got to hug my sister for the first time in 7 years, that was a very good thing.

Then I watched a baseball game with my son this evening with relative calmness in my mind.

These things all combined to allow my mind to be free of the repeating "What If"  loop tapes about my wife that have plagued me most days.    It was still very trying emotionally, reconciling with my sister took emotional energy but it was good.  Worrying about my back issues, bad emotional energy.  But at least it was something different.  

So another day on this new journey wraps up.  

I hope everyone here has a better tomorrow, good night.