I don't understand this, how is it that I can wake up and before any thoughts really go through my mind, I feel anxiety.  It is truly baffling why that occurs.  

Last night I could not fall asleep, that's the first time since my wife passed away that I have had that issue.  By the time I go to bed I am usually mentally exhausted and go right to sleep, but not last night.  I tossed and turned until 2 am then finally fell asleep.  

I have been reading self help books.  The latest one called, "Feeling Good".  It talks about how we create how we feel by how we interpret the world around us.  I understand that, unfortunately it has not given very many useful suggestions to fix the way we view things.  I guess I just need to find some rose colored glasses and my mind will be good again.

I have a contractor coming to the house in an hour.  My house needs some repairs, not making any big changes yet.  Everyone says don't make any big changes in your life in the first year.  

I don't know how I want to fill the day.  I need to continue cleaning out my house.  It is very difficult to do alone, and still not easy when my sister comes over.  I still remember cleaning out my mothers house in 2008, I found then that she had never cleaned out dresser drawers of my dads clothes who had passed away in 1976.  Thinking of that pushes me to try to move forward.

It looks like a beautiful day outside, and it upsets me that I can not share it with my wife.  Yet when it has been gloomy weather, I have found it upsetting as well.  I suppose this falls into the category of how we interpret  the world around us.  I should be able to accept and enjoy a beautiful day for what it is and not make it negative in my own head.  I have to work on this.

That's enough, I have to shower, my life goes on.  I hope everyone here can enjoy a beautiful day for what it is.

Mark