I has been a while since I have written, but only because I write on paper, to other's in grief and in notebooks.

It is almost 5 months now since she has been gone, and I am getting used to the emptiness of her not being here.  I have been sad, but have only had a really, really good cry and that was about a month ago when I was formatting the audio of her service so I could burn it onto CDs for others.

I had to listen to it to ensure the quality was acceptable, so while listening I opened a folder (on the computer) titled "Nanette".  I had forgotten what I had place into this folder and it was all photos of Nanette.  That is when it hit me.

But the really sad things catch you off guard and hurt more.  I finally had shoes modified by an orthodics company and am able to walk with a very slight limp.  It was hard to buy the shoes, even thought they were cheap, the cost to have them modified is $90.  But since then I have purchased 2 more pair of really nice shoes off of eBay at great prices and have had one pair already modified and am waiting for the second.  

But when I picked up the latest pair I wanted to show Nanette how nice and comfortable the are...but she is gone.

Bailey was accepted at Drake University a week ago and my first thought was I had to get on the phone to tell Nanette and my mom and dad; but they are all gone.

Then on Wednesday this week Bailey received a letter from Drake giving her a Scholarship for $9,000 just for being a transfer student.  Same thing, they are all gone.  I think my first impulse to call Nanette is because she has been gone long enough that some part of my brain still has her alive and just living across town or something and I can just call her and tell her knowing how proud and excited she will be.

It's the little things that slowly eat away at the protective shell around my heart that prevents me from fully accepting this.  But I am doing ok...