I have been working at the daycare for a month now! Yipeee! I wipe snotty noses, clean poopy butts, and stop little one's from throwing toys! I have to say, I LOVE It! Today the babies were having a rough day. I think they are teething. Anyway they were so cuddly and just wanted to be held, and loved today, so that's what they got! I have surly surprised myself. I honestly didn't think I could love like that again, let alone love someone else's children. Surprise, Surprise! One little girl was very affectionate today. We sat on the floor, and played, and she hugged me so tight that my heart melted. I told my boss that the big hug was my paycheck! I feel like I have a purpose! I feel like in some odd way I can see my boy's in the eye's of all these little one's. I pray that each day I remember that love never dies. I write when I'm feeling bad, sometimes really bad, but when I can write with joy, and smiles it also shows me how good things can be, and to take advantage of these good days so I have something to look back on when the days are not so good. I came home from work today, and I picked up my guitar, and sat on my bed and played. I played my guitar today for no reason. I haven't played since my grandkids left. I've always needed a reason to play, but not today! The music flowed from my fingers, my voice, and my heart!. My anniversary is next month, and so is the anniversaries of the deaths of my sons, today I feel like it's all ok. We never know about tomorrow, and we learn from yesterday, but it feels so good to just be happy even if it's only for today! When a snotty little face comes to me mouth wide open to give me a kiss it's like kisses from heaven. Surprise again, I've always been a bit of a germaphobe, so i'm surprised at how wonderful those spitty kisses feel to me! I guess God really is good at what he does! This is how I know there is a God. Only God could help me see through my pain, and find a way to move on, and share such wonderful gifts as these little children. I don't deal with the parents, just their precious little ones. There's no rules about how much love you can give, and no rules as to how much love you receive. I hope this lasts forever, but if not I am so grateful for it happening now. I need the little one's and they need me. What a perfect match! I will always and forever miss my boys. I will always and forever love my boys and until I hold them again I know they're proud of me, and will wait for me to join them. I still have a lot of work to do before God calls me home, so I will carry on, but now I can carry on knowing that I have a purpose, and that only Love, and time can heal a broken heart! This one's for you Ben and lil Del. Your mama loves you more, and more each day. Death may have physically separated us, but LOVE will always keep us together! I want every mother who has lost a child to have a day that feels as good as this one did for me! My guitar is put away for the night, but I have a sneaky feeling it will be seeing the light of day a lot more often! My guitar is 40 years old, and my best friend. I've been ignoring my best friend for a long time, and now I owe it to my best friend to play her, and maybe even start writing a song once again. Joy is around, and i'm glad I went looking for it!