I Don’t Know How

I lost my lifemate 15 days ago. We viewed the body and have had the memorial. We were given ashes that were split up between his children, his sister, myself and two friends. I couldn’t function yesterday at all and the weekend was bad too. I don’t know how to figure out this grieving process. This isn’t the first person I have lost. It is the first person that I was in love with and had plans with. 

As part of a tribute to him, I am buying him a headstone and burying some of his ashes on our farm. Our plan includes that he move to the farm when my mom passed away because she didn’t want to live with him. So we had a plan. Well, that didn’t happen. So today, I decided to look at headstones and I have no clue what to put on it. He wasn’t my husband. He was my soulmate. I called him my hetero lifemate a lot. But that seems silly. What does a grown up choose to put on a headstone to someone they were anticipating spending the rest of their life with? Especially when we never got to get to that point. 

I don’t know what to do. 

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