My wife Jami's birthday was yesterday, 10-13-11.
Our son Nicholas and me didn't have a cake, we had her favorite, M&M cookies.
It was somewhat of a difficult day but not really! It was more of a challenge. A challenge to be brave, courageous, and committed to getting through it (her birthday) I made it a goal when today arrived to celebrate this day, no matter how difficult it was, the way she would want us to. And that was with our son and I talking about funny things we did together, laughing about them together, giving each other hugs, having a good time, and making plans for our future.
Jami wants only the best for us and we know, believe, and understand that. That kind of realization and daily awareness has helped so much over time.
There is a part of grief that can never touch us, that will shine right through the sorrow like the sun breaking through the dark clouds, and that is the lasting love I will always have for my wife, and the love our children Nicholas and Jaci will always have for their mother. It's an unconditional love, an undying love.
One of her favorite songs was Strawberry Fields Forever and she just really loved the words, and really liked the smell of strawberry scent, incense or air freshener, regardless of how much it made me sneeze! AHhhhhhh-chooooo!
Some of the lyrics to the song..
Let me take you down Cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real, and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstanding all you see.
It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out.
It doesn't matter much to me.....
I heard that song the other day and I could have sworn I caught a whiff of her incense, AH-CHooey!!!!! Of course, strawberry incense. Man Jamipoo, you've been gone a while and you're still making me sneeze.
What amazes me is that I really thought that while she was alive and here, that I really loved her fully. I loved her with all of my heart, but now I know how much more I love her! It's so crazy, it's more than missing her and longing for her, because I see so much more of what she was made of, things that I didn't catch before.
We were so happy together, even with our human faults.
If an argument was brewing she would resort to telling me that we're married now, let's be forgiving.
I will always refuse to be without her in my life. Just can't help it, it only feels natural to me.
That's just one of my choices in being happy, acknowledging grief but knowing I still have her by my side, and it will be okay somehow!
Take care of yourselves and make someone happy today....spread love around you and good things will come back to you........it's a great feeling!!
Michael
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