4 months have passed since I lost the love of my life, and my best friend. I did very well the first couple of months...tried very hard to just embrace the grieving process...to use it as an opportunity perhaps for growth and deeper reliance on God... but the past month or 2 I have been ignoring it all... I have been trying to forget all of the pain by living like I'm someone else... ignoring who I truly am. I have numbed myself to my unhealthy behaviors because I tell myself it doesn't matter anymore...

I know I need help, and I sought out counseling, but found that I couldn't quite afford it. Then I found GriefShare - a program that is 10 weeks and done at many churches all over Atl. It is being hosted at North Point Community Church, and it starts this week, so I signed up.  I am truly hoping that it brings me back to some sense of accountability in my life... and back to myself, my peace and my love for Brian and for God. I still love him so much... but I have been forcing myself to not open my heart up to those thoughts and feelings andy more for the past month+ because it hurts so much... but I am hoping so badly that this support group will be just the thing to give me the strength to find healing, even though I know it will hurt.

Baby, if you are out there still listening.. I love you and I miss you.. and I'm sorry if I have been letting you down with my poor decisions lately, running from myself and "us"... I dream of being with you again one day in Heaven.. Like you said, soulmates can be separated for a time, but God always brings them back together again.

xoxoxox