Today I went to the beach with three of my long time friends (over 40 years).  I started out crying but as the day went on, I listened to their stories of various struggles.  I began to see that they all turned to God for assistance.  One had a brain tumor, one had breast cancer and the other had problems with her only son.  Each one said that they turned their woes and worries over to God, but not before thanking him for all the wonderful things they had going right in their life.  Each one knew that their problems were out of their hands and that trying to control and manage things their way, it was creating more issues. 

I realized that I was not thanking God for the wonderful years I spent with my son, the amazing husband that I have, the beautiful step daughter whom I helped raise for 13 years, and so on and so on.  Instead I wanted God to respond to my overwhelming grief and somehow bring my son back.  Today I realized this was about me and my wanting control back in my life.  But that's not how it works.  It is always God's plan, which had nothing to do with mine.   

I will start again with a renewed appreciation for the Glory of God - I will give thanks and mean it.  I will cry still, laugh, be sad, get angry, but in the end I will turn to God to guide me through my darkness, and most of all I will give thanks.