It has been a day.  The morning was very difficult. I woke up to once again face the reality of my wife being gone but also have had leg numbness and pain of various levels for last 2 months. 

Long story short saw 2 doctors today both recommended I see a neurosurgeon.  That has scared me. Along with triggering how much I missed my wife, she was a nurse so I always had a trusted medical professional to rely on.  I now wonder what next?

After leaving the second doctor, I had a screaming emotional outburst in my car.  I cried with anguish for my loss, I cursed fate, I yelled out at my wife for her alcohol addiction and tragic decision to take her own life while intoxicated, and I yelled out that my and my sons life would be better.

The scream therapy may have helped, after I got home I felt less bad for about 3 hours.  As evening has worn on sadness has resumed now with fear of surgery.

Perhaps when I wake up tomorrow, I will go out to the garage sit in my car and let it fly.