I feel like I became parylized when he died and I'm starting to have to feel again and I don't want to because it hurts too bad. I know I need to grieve but I just can't take it. I've been having to go through pictures all day for the memorial, I don't want to look back. I miss him too much. I've stayed in bed for four months now. I'm making myself plan a memorial/life celebration for him, he deserves that and I know I need to try to tell him goodbye. What I've done isn't mentally healthy. I've been alone inside this house and mostly this room since I watched the doctor take him off of life support. He had such a huge presence and was my best friend. I miss him. I'm grateful to at least have this place to express my feelings.