[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in] by E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always…

I feel like I became parylized when he died and I'm starting to have to feel again and I don't want to because it hurts too bad. I know I need to grieve but I just can't take it. I've been having to go through pictures all day for the memorial, I don't want to look back. I miss him too much. I've stayed in bed for four months now. I'm making myself plan a memorial/life celebration for him, he deserves that and I know I need to try to tell him goodbye. What I've done isn't mentally healthy.…