Mandy,

The strangest urge to want to hold your things close to me. To surround myself with all of your stuff. I'm sitting here at work and Thank God I'm alone otherwise people would think I'd lost it for sure. I was laughing to myself...not just normal laughing but the cracked up...tears start flowing kind of laughter. The kind you and I used to share. I was thinking about the way you'd be howling with laughter if you could see what I planned to do when I have a moment to myself.

I so badly want to smell your special lavender scent, and feel your warmth. The only way I can do that is by putting on your clothes...all of it. Yes, I know, you heard correctly. All of it. The pants followed by the skirts, followed by the dresses, followed by your dressy jackets followed by your gorgeous sunhat. Then I'm gonna put on one of your dinky bedroom slippers and on the other foot I'm gonna put on the only high heels you own because you despised heels so much...my fave...your suede boots. We are in the middle of a ridiculously hot summer so all this will be carried out in blistering heat. I'll be smiling. I can hear you saying 'strait jacket' already! Nah, it's hasn't gotten that bad. Yet.

Then I'm going to put on the CD full of old classics that you recorded for me and I'm going to pretend you're with me and you're pestering me for a quick homemade dessert (I'm going to make it and you know your brother in law is going to be happy) and then I'm going to just rest. 

By the end of my little trip...I'll have gotten the only thing of yours I can have right now. Your lavender scent and because I'm wearing your clothes...my warmth warming your clothes. That's all I can have. Compared to having you as a sister and not being able to share my life with you...nothing will ever be enough, will it?