It was my quilt guild Christmas party tonight.  It has been quilters only for as long as I have been a member so I thought I could handle it since it wasnt something I had done with my husband in the past.  Oh how foolish of me.  There was a member whose dad has been diagnosed terminal and this will be their last Christmas as a family.  And I thought, oh how I wish we could have had one more Christmas, what a gift that would have been.  One table of ladies was talking about how wonderful it was to get out without their husbands for a night, and all I wanted was one more night to stay home with mine.  There was lovely food.  I took a bit of lots of things on my plate with full intentions to eat it.  Then at the end of the table was a plate of big yummy shrimp.  Of course a favorite of Toms and they just made me cry inside.  Everywhere every minute, everyday there is something that reminds of him and makes the pain of him being gone flood back. No wonder I stay home alone so much............