Down deep we had a love for each other.As much as she was away from I missed her in a special way. She had awful mood changes taking what ever bothered out on me .She even tore into me in the hosp before things got worse. She had a love for me I miss her knowing there would be no  control and managing of my life. So its odd in a horrible way Iam alone without her control.No Iam not jumping thru hoops. However I get up the morning and plow thru it.