i have not been able to stop my tears since this morning. i hear, see all of the emotion in others for the holidays to come. i feel envy for those happy family's hosting dinners, getting together and looking forward to spending the holidays together. However, I must admitt, i too, was there just last year.

I cant help to see elderly grandfather's holding their grandchildren, or playing with them at the park. How i wish my father was here to do the same with my son. I see a young father delightful and with much joy to buy a toy for his child at the local store. How i wish my husband was here to the same.

The 2 most important male's in my life are now gone and have left me with a hole in my heart that i just cant seem to fill up. I feel envy for others sharing joyful moments that i can no longer have or share with my loved ones.

Thanks for Reading,

Amanda