At the end of the month it will be a year since you past. I am stronger and yet often I find myself on the edge of a cliff. There are still loose ends to tie up with the financial end of things. It's a shame so much energy has gone to that part of your life/death when all I wanted to do was grieve. I told you that would be that way - you made it so there wasn't anytime to grieve. I was and in many ways still in survival mode. You didn't want to have a will - you didn't want to make decisions when you were alive. You left me and your kids with a mess.

I live in an apartment now with my son and fiance. I think you'd like him - he is a soldier and you would have admired his political views. In fact, I think you and him would have been friends. Yes, God willing I will be getting married by the end of the year. In the beginning I was afraid you'd be mad at me but had I gone first you would have moved on just as quick. Don't get me wrong - there are moments when I still miss you - moments when I wish you could talk to me and tell me what to do. I want to believe that you are happy for me - that I have your blessing to move on and love again.

The other day my daughter told me that she has been thinking about you a lot and crying. She thinks she is having a delayed reaction to losing you. She turned 21 recently and I was hoping you would have somehow gotten her a message. I know you were always so proud of her and she looked to you as a father figure even though you guys butted heads on many occassions.

I pray that you are safe and at peace in Heaven.