Alot of people expresse there thoughts about a losing a love one that in my case I try to push out of my mind.Does it make it worse I don,t know .I was in he bath and had a flashback about my wife in the critical care which has the effect of smothering me in sadness.I pull myself out of it.Its been 4 months ,I still full the hold on me from out marriage.Its ironic I got our old van inspected and left our focas in the driveway.When I come back home I still feel that emotional pull of seeing the focas and imagning she is home.

There was 35 yrs of living with her and I don,t think at 65 yrs old there is a huge rebounding especally how I have lived the last 35 yrs of marraige.Iam not blaming her totally .Did I ever mature enough before I got married .Apparently there was a lot of hidden traits that tended to be my downfall.

Well iam getting off the greiving track aren,t I .

Today Iam feeling the effects of a loss,alone and lost . However I keep plowing ahead

More later