I saw another medium, omg she  knew so much, things no one knew but me and shawn. I cryed so hard and so much as she read me. I miss my so so very very much, and I know now he wont leave me. but im still so deeply depressed and under doctors care, I still pray each night to die, ill never be happy again till im holding my son. I stay in my bed a lot, just to tired to do anything, I go see shawn everyday sometimes in his pjs. I feel like this black hole is getting deeper, and there are times I just don't care . I want to die, I really do. im not strong any more. im to lonely, empty with out him.  I now know my husband is hurting to, but shawn is the love of my life and I have nothing  left to live for, I just want my shawn, and hope with all my heart ill be with him very soon.