Well here I am again. It's morning and I am alone, contemplating my loss, longing, trying to stave off anxiety, trying to imagine a better future and think of something positive.

I was reading on anxiety last night, since it seems to be the most damaging to my psyche right now and found this on the Psychology Today website:

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Let's break down the steps involved in RIDING the wave or dealing with panic:

Recognize
Involve
Distract
End

When having a panic attack, here is what I'd like you to try:

1) Recognize and accept that you're feeling anxious.

2) Once you're feeling anxious, immediately Involve yourself in your surroundings. Look around, pay attention to what's going on around you. Notice who's there, what people are saying, what the environment looks like.

3) Then I'd like you to Distract yourself. Talk to someone and really pay attention to the conversation, sing a song, read a magazine, or watch television. Try to become active in what you do, in other words, if you read a magazine, say the words aloud to yourself. The goal is to focus on something other than the panicky feelings you're experiencing.

4) When you are able to distract yourself away from your feelings, the panic will End by itself, without a struggle.

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I guess by writing this nonsense each morning, it is my effort to Involve and Distract myself from what I feel.   And I need to remember that I  determine how I feel, I color what I experience in my mind and the feel the results.  It's up to me to see the beauty of each day and not pervert it in my mind to something it isn't.  

It is work not to wallow in self pity and I have been doing my share of that, but my life goes on and it needs to have some joy in it.