I talked to my sister this afternoon.  I told her I was missing my wife and feeling very lonely.  Her response was a pep talk and how I would find someone again.  All that just reinforced the finality of my wife being gone.  

So tonight instead of the evening calmness, I have anxiety.  My mind is not clear.  I guess it's the realization of never having my wife back, combined with the fear of never feeling the intimate closeness that I took for granted too much of the time.  My emotional side has ruled the day, I would surely like my logical side to reappear at some point.

I have to find the path out of this state, the days need to be improving, I am not content to remain like this.