365 days.

I miss you.

I wish that was enough to accurately describe how I feel, but it does not even come close. I don’t just miss you; I feel so much more than a mere longing.

I miss your laugh, your lame jokes, your hugs, your voice, and your presence in my life. I miss your “hi” text in he mornings we weren’t together, the “be there soon” and the hours of time we spent together just talking and sharing our dreams and hopes. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I can’t say it enough.

I thought 365 days would at least put a dent in how much I hurt, but it hasn't. It’s been 365 of your absence, 365 days of missing you, 365 days of “being strong”. It’s been 365 days of trying to understand why. 365 days trying not to fall apart. It’s been 365 days and I feel everything stronger than ever, and it hurts so much more than this string of words could ever portray.

I don’t understand, I thought time was supposed to heal; it hasn’t healed anything, only replaced memories and has served as a constant reminder that you’re gone.

Happiness is seldom what I feel, no matter the smile on my face or laugh in my throat or twinkle in my eyes. It’s impossible to be truly happy when the only person who never left my side, who showed me what it felt like to feel valued, actually left and I will never get back. Every time I think I’m getting better, I remember what I was running from to begin with and am brought right back to the start.

I tried everything to accept that you were gone, or at least forget for just one second. I tried detaching myself from everyone. I wanted to be invisible, transparent, forgotten. I tried not to exist. I tried becoming overly involved in other things I pretended to be happy; I let myself be sad. I tried not to feel. I tried everything but, nothing brought you back, nothing changed what happened, nothing made this okay. You’re still gone.

I’ve felt more miserable the past few months, more so than usual. I know the past 365 days, I pretended to be ok and with your one year today since you’ve been gone, I couldn’t run anymore, I cant hide from the fact that I miss you. I have to face it and trying to be strong, is so difficult. The hole you have left inside me seems bottomless and empty.

Living this past year without you is not something easily put into words. It’s not something that I can describe in tear filled eyes to my friends and loved ones. This past year was painful. The most painful year of my life.

Time on this earth is just a fleeting glimpse. But when you are stuck in this time, it feels like forever. It feels like forever since I saw your face, heard your voice or touched you. It’s the little everyday things that I miss the most. Grief does something to a person. You are never the same. I will never be the same.

I miss you, Michael.<3

Views: 1605

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by joanne on October 24, 2016 at 4:17pm

This is exactly how I feel, sorry for your loss xxx

Comment by morgan on October 24, 2016 at 1:10pm

And we walk alongside you Lauri with the same heartache trying trying trying to remain upright.  

And you are right.  Grief does something to a person.  I will never be the same either.  

Thank you for sharing what is indescribable to most.  For all of us here we get it.  Loud and clear.

Groups

Latest Activity

Profile IconDaisy adams and Wanda joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
Wanda posted a status
"I lost my husband overnight that it happened so fast that I still can’t accept that he’s gone."
Friday
0 Comments
david karpe posted a status
"I'm wondering if Myrna is well. Happy new year to Myrna and everybody."
Jan 15
0 Comments
david karpe is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 15
Welcome Them!
Sasha Moshko posted a discussion

My Fathers Loss

Many years ago, I lost my father after his battle with colon cancer that later spread to his bones. The grief stayed with me longer than I expected. Ambrosia Behavioral Health helped me work through that loss, understand my emotions, and find healthier ways to cope and move forward. https://www.ambrosiatc.comSee More
Jan 14
0 Comments
Sasha Moshko left a comment for Sasha Moshko
"Professional help gives you a safe space to talk, understand your emotions, and learn healthy ways to cope. It can make grief feel less overwhelming and easier to manage over time. https://www.ambrosiatc.com"
Jan 14
MELANIE WALENDOWSKY BAKER is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 14
Welcome Them!
Krystal Swinehart joined Jodi Denton's group
Thumbnail

Traumatic loss of an only child

I started this group so that people who have lost their only child or the only child that remained, as in my case, could come together because I believe people that did have a child or children who now have none have special issues.
Jan 12
61 Comments

© 2026   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service