Today I want to just pack up and run away. I want to go somewhere where no one knows me or knew him. Where I can try and enjoy 5 minutes of life without the reminder that he isn't here with me. He was loved by so many and so many want to honor him and remember him, that everything is about him. I am still so entrenched into his family, which is a blessing and a curse. I helped his mother plan and do a baby shower for his sister-in-law. They kept calling me aunty. T-shirts were made with his…

Went on Facebook today and someone shared a memory, which was a video of Billy.  In it Billy is being Billy. Seeing it should have brought a smile to my face seeing him and hearing his voice, but instead it was like a knife being twisted in my heart and gut. Seeing it brought back all the happy memories, but that only caused more pain and sadness. Seeing that video basically ruined my day and put me into a funk. I don't get it. Why didn't it make me happy. It gave me a chance to see him,…

To start, I am a 37-year old woman who has never been married and has no children. Just over a year ago I met a man who I thought was the answers to all of my prayers. We went from zero to 60 in no time and it just all felt so right. We began making statements about our future together and were planning on officially moving in together. He had told his entire family and most of his friends that he would marry me and I won't lie, I felt the same. He turned 30 in September, which made me happy…