I’ve not been on here for a while, it’s been so hard just trying to get through the days; keeping myself busy, trying desperately hard not to think about things and often failing miserably. I’m so tired of feeling so shitty all the time. I had my first session with a counsellor today, after feeling initially nervous and not wanting to say much everything came out and I cried like a baby. I feel absolutely drained now and very emotional. So my question is this, does counselling really help or… Continue

Today is our wedding anniversary and I'm so alone. All I want to do is crawl into a ball and die. I feel so desolate. The sun is shining outside but my world is grey and cold. I've written an anniversary card but I have no one to give it to, I feel like ripping it to pieces; like the broken pieces of my life.



It was so hard trying to find a card, reading through the verses in the shop I started crying. I hate crying in public, it makes me feel so out of control. That's what this… Continue

I haven't been on here for a while. I've been trying to push my grief away I think; I went on vacation, I spent a lot of money, I drank a lot. But nothing helps, you can't push it away, you can't hide from grief; it always finds you.



On vacation all I did was think of him, a drink I knew he would've loved, a beautiful view with no one to hold my hand and appreciate it with. If anything, I missed him even more. I felt twinges of sadness and pain everytime I saw something beautiful and… Continue

One of my friends (who hasn't contacted me for weeks) sent me a cutesy picture of a cat and a message which asked "how are you?". Cat picture aside, I am tired of this question, particularly when I feel the person asking it just wants to hear I am feeling better. As if that is possible for me five months after my husband's suicide. After I lost the love of my life, my joy and my happiness.I don't know how to answer the how are you question anymore, but I will be damned if I'm going to put on a… Continue

Today I've been going through all my photos on my phone and moving them to my PC. Hundreds of photos of me and my wonderful husband, from our honeymoon and our wedding. I have not stopped crying, I can't cope with this pain, I feel like I'm reaching the end of my rope. I miss him so much, I don't want to live for the rest of my life without him. I love him so much. Oh god, what do I do? I'm so lost without him, I can't believe hes dead. Jesus help me.