Talked to my Dad today and found out that my Mom used to call all the grandkids and sing Happy Birthday to them, not just for Bill and I.  UGH....I called Bill's work number on the 7th and sang to him...didn't hear from him until yesterday...he said he really appreciated and that I sound just like Mom when I sang it. Now I have said I would keep up the tradition with the kids and with Bill. Small issue though.....who is gonna sing it to me?

Carols, funny Christmas songs...all of it, everyone of them brings flashes from the past, as well as knowing those Christmas's that will never be.   I am tired all of the time, the "why bothers" run things, the "who cares". The depression I already deal with is in a space that I have never really experienced before.  Can't sleep, and I have flashes of her last moments with me, my screaming on the inside for her to keep…

  My mother had spent the last 12 years of her life battling Breast cancer, and the last 2 years battling angiosarcoma as well as the after effects of a sub-arachnoid aneurysm.  She went through I can't tell you how many rounds of chemo as well as radiation.  She was a fighter, someone who told me that "cancer was her adventure" she never complained, she just went with whatever was going on.  She was strong enough to admit…