That's all I feel like I have right now.  Weariness.  I am bone-tired.  Tired of stapling a cheerful smile to my face and living such a ridiculous lie.  It's been a really rotten year, with several different kinds of losses - and then my faith community suddenly lost a beloved member last week.  

I feel bad that I feel bad.  I feel bad that this loss seems even more real to me than the loss of my grandmother late last summer.  I wasn't able to travel to see her as often as I…