Dear Mom, It's one of those nights/mornings.  I fell asleep very tired and in about 2 hours I woke up wide awake.  So here I am with the TV running in the background and my mind bouncing all over the place.  I hate this time of the late night.  It takes me back a few months ago sitting by your bed watching you breath and worrying.   Back then I wondered privately what it would be like once you were gone.  Well, I have my answer.  It's still pure hell.   I'm eating ant acid tablets like candy…

There can't be a God.  If there is I'm convinced he's one lazy sick egotistical entity that just doesn't give a damn.  I miss you so much it feels like someone took a butcher knife and gutted me.  I cannot believe the journey we took and how horrific things turned out.  I will feel forever blessed to have been chosen your son.  It was unique to say the least but to me it was profoundly normal.  I never knew any other life.   I can still see all my friends when I was little asking if they…