At church the sermon was about marriage, and how when we commit to someone, we do it for better or worse, sicker or poorer. The new pastor's dad died 10/31/2012 of brain cancer and he talked about how his mom cared for his dad as his dad lay dying. It was painful to hear-I wish I had a box of tissues, but it did remind me that that's the kind of love I want to give and receive. Love is an action, not a feeling, and I think about the day my dad died, he had uncontrollable diarhea and my mom…

Yuck, I just feel yucky so much of the time. Every emotion is so intense, the littlest things set my off. I feel like a raw nerve, exposed in the world. I am still in utter disbelief that my dad died. It just doesn't seem possible. Even though we always had a rocky relationship , I did love and admire my father very much. I guess I thought I would have time to make the relationship right. When he was first diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (what kind? they don't even know!!!) I thought I had…