I've decided that I'm going to write my blog/journal entry in my Google Drive app, and then post it here because quite frankly, there's nothing like being in the middle of a sentence, deep in thought, and having your phone lose your spot because your hand caused the phone screen to rotate accidentally.

Today is gonna be another one full of tears. I'm going to take a guess here, and say, "It's probably going to be…

I have no idea how I'm going to remember Jeremy this year. I didn't get the opportunity to do anything for him because I was homeless. There is no grave, he was cremated. I know one thing though, my boyfriend is awesomely cool with my grieving my husband. On May 5, 2019, I said goodbye to Jeremy for the last time during the rest of my time here on Earth. My best friend, Sarah, lost her mom on May 7, 2019. Which, ironically, was the day…

I've been working on my 3-book novel series, which is something else I have been doing to keep my mind busy. The other distraction I've been trying to adopt has been coming here and posting a journal entry once a week. The problem has been that I continually forget. So, I'm going to make an event in my calendar on my phone to post here on a daily basis. 

I've never been the kind of person who was on top of a daily entry in a journal. So, if I don't journal every day, I will be more deliberate about making an entry at least weekly.

I'm posting this, and starting a new blog/journaling post, immediately after.

The unfortunate fact about the last 20 is: 

On February 7, 2019, I lost my father. 2 months and 2 days later on April 9, 2019 I lost my husband, best friend and soulmate, Jeremy. My nephew Keith was murdered in December of 2019. In March of 2020, I lost my dad's sister, Beth. On April 13, 2020 my friend and ex fianceè, Wayne passed away. Wanna talk about trauma to the fullest extent? I was under the impression that death comes in threes. Yeah right. 

My father…

All of us are going through collective sorrow secondary to the pandemic. Here at Online Grief Support, we have already experienced loss, and the pandemic has only added to this.  We are feeling out of control. 

We are trying our best to adapt.  I would like to suggest Journal Therapy to help with the healing process. It can be helpful to put words to losses.  Writing can help us identify ways to move forward.  Journaling helps improve our mental health.  Have you tried journal…

 Hi. I am Wes...

 I am the last of my immediate family. (I am going to be 60 yrs old this coming spring).

My dad passed from small cell lung cancer, 4 days before Christmas 2012/(2013). Then 4 years later I lost my mom to COPD. The next year I lost my kid sister, also to COPD, and then this past April I lost my baby…

getting used to him not being here. not a great feeling.

The meet-up happened!

Of course, it went even better than I expected.  Intellectually, I knew it would.  Emotionally, I was shaking in my boots.  Jennifer’s sister has always been incredibly open, warm, encouraging, and welcoming.  There was no reason to expect any different.  However, I did start to experience Dallas’ devious (in a fun…

i do not blog mushh lk i did in 2012 bit but cov19 is devill of satonn 

u cud say pepepl not getin medcal tretment coz of it

i  no pepel its got big c wil not suvse coz temt bean took ways u cud sya

say

frindss it cud hva ops it did npt hav big c cud be savd but will not coz of cov19

i no k  cnt sea a dr coz of cov 19

frinds it neees…

when you have no words for how you feel ...

So fast forward to mid-2020.  Dreams with Jennifer still occur, at an approximate monthly rate.  The emotional impact is not as debilitating as in previous months.  There is still this nagging notion that there is a message that needs to be transferred.  Still don't know what the message is or if I am delivering or receiving the message, just that there is a message.  Then it happens that I have an excuse to go through Topeka, to possibly meet Jennifer’s sister.  In…

i love seeing him in my dreams

My mom and Dad both died this past Dec. There deaths were easy to accept as my Mom had Alzheimer's to the point where she no longer spoke not knew anyone.  Visiting her was like going to get funeral each visit.  My Dad was 86 and had a great life and died of natural causes. But my brother John was a shock we never saw coming.  He was a healthy man that fell down to the…

My mother died in April after a years-long battle with vascular dementia. I buried her last Friday.

It hurts worse now than then.

I knew my mother was going to die. When she was first diagnosed two years and change ago, I looked up the medical literature. It said that life expectancy was six to nine years post-diagnosis.…

My birthday is tomorrow. 3 weeks after my mom passed away. I have been fearful about it. I am staying at my childhood home right now, taking care of my dad. It has been nice to be with family and where all of my favorite memories with my mom happened. I decided to take my daughter to our favorite café here. Bake a cake and a few of our relatives are coming. Everyone else lives far away. I felt good about it. Then my sister said that she was coming. She has had her own personal struggle…

i miss my dad

pstd actin up coz of stuff goin on yes had muhso mush loss in 8 yrs 

losn  nbor ovr yr go new her sinse i wz 8 

a

frind 2 mnth monfth a go

cov 19 givun me bad dreams carzin my ptsd 2 go up

cnt

sea a dr coz thy not sean no 1 coz of cov 19

sorry if im rantin to mush or fealin sorry fr  my slf coz im not 

I lost my best friend 3.5 years ago. we met in high school and were together for 18 years. We could never be open about our love. She was married for 10 years and has a son. In spite of this our love was strong and genuine. This selfless pure love comes once in a lifetime. Now that i have lost her my world has changed...i dont know who i am and what i want from life.

So many regrets...

The worst part is that i cannot talk to anyone about this here. no one will be able to understand…

Think I’ve mentioned someplace on this site that sharing meals and cooking was always very important to my husband...it was also a big part of my mother’s life and one of the ways she showed affection and concern for those in her life, they were similar in many ways, including that one.  My husband used to tell people that he’d always “had trouble distinguishing food, love, and sex” — he’d say it in a joking way, but he really believed that in some way, at the deepest level, they were all…